The MoosLetter Editorials: We Just Wanna Be Herd

are written from the Cows' Point of View by Judy L Williams.



The Divine Bovine MoosLetter Articles might make you laugh

and they might make you think     ~

They should, at least,  make you think about laughing

or laugh at what the cows are thinking.  ~

Moos Letter #3: Cow Heaven

   We cows are on summer pasture now. As the gates are opened, lush green grass leads us higher and higher, where we thrive and our calves grow due to the wonderful feed here, in what could be described as Cow Heaven.   

   Actually, there is a place that is called Cow Heaven in the pasture in which we graze each summer. The Forest Service named it so because we always like to hang out there. The water gathers there, the grass is lush and green - and it’s cool, a welcome respite in the hot summer days.  Heaven.  Cow Heaven.   

    ... So they fenced it off.  They’re saving it.   

   Now we can’t get into Cow Heaven. Instead, we get close - and we crop the grass short next to the “exclosure”, proving that they were right - if they hadn’t fenced it off, we’d be in there. They’re right; we would be. We’d eat the lush grass until it was gone and then we’d move on to better grazing. Why wouldn’t we be there if we could?  It’s Cow Heaven.   

   In order to stay in the good graces of those in charge, we have to be deprived of those things that we naturally crave. Does this make any sense? You’d think we were Cowtholics!  

   While we were all created by a Greater Being who gave us our natural instincts, we have to be deprived of those things we need and want. Who makes up these rules? I’ll bet the Greater Being didn’t.   

In my cow-mind, the Greater Being has what we call “ cowman sense”   - one who doesn’t need complications to make sense of the world. One who says “if you’re hungry, eat; if you’re tired, sleep; if you’re scared, run”  - Cowman Sense.  

   I recall a story about a human who went into a bakery.  Upon ordering two dozen doughnuts, she was told that the baker couldn’t sell that many doughnuts to one cowstomer.  ...? 

She asked why and the cownter person said “because they’re for my cowstomers”.  …Honest.   

   The Cowstomer raised her hand and said "That would be me."  The cowstomer offered to pay the full price for the doughnuts, taking into cownsideration that the bakery might be selling them more cheaply by the dozen than they would charge individually.

   But the cownter person said, “No, I can’t sell that many to one cowstomer”.  Now the cowstomer became more amused and decided to pursue it even further by asking, “If I sit down in a booth and order a cup of cowfee and a doughnut, would you sell me one?” and the cownter person said “No, because we need to save them for our cowstomers”.  …Honest.

   Now, does this make any sense at all? The bakery is in the business of selling doughnuts, had an ample supply of doughnuts to sell and refused to sell them to the cowstomer wanting to buy them because they were being saved for the “cowstomers”. 

   Another note worth mentioning is: this is a bakery. A bakery is a place where they make doughnuts - to sell. They have the necessary ingredients to make more and they make a profit on those they sell. This is their business - selling doughnuts. Right there in their store. To cowstomers.

   The Cowstomer was able to buy one and a half dozen doughnuts - no more. She did so and said cheerfully as she left, “I hope you have a whole bunch of doughnuts left at the end of the day".

The Cowstomer’s friend told her he bought day-old doughnuts at The Bakery for ½ price the following day.  She was pleased.

   In the mind of a cow, her cowman sense says “If you have doughnuts to sell today, sell them today”. If you see grass you want to eat, eat it today - tomorrow it may not be there.

   Saving grass makes about as much sense as saving doughnuts for your cowstomers when your cowstomers are calling for them today.

   This is what we cows think.

"If we don't see you in the future, we'll see you in the pasture."

There's No One Else To Blame:

All parodies, lyrics and original music were written and recorded by Judy L Williams

All lead vocals* and harmonies were performed and recorded by Judy, as was all the music. 

The promotional material, packaging and CDs were designed, created, duplicated

and printed by Little Prints Charming, owned and operated by Judy L Williams.

(*An exception to this is in the song "The Neighbor's Bovines" on which the male bovine part

was performed by Rick Ellison.  Rick accepts none of the blame.)

Moos Letter Editorial #4: We Just Wanna Be Herd: NUTS