The MoosLetter Editorials: We Just Wanna Be Herd

are written from the Cows' Point of View by Judy L Williams.


~ The Divine Bovine MoosLetter Articles might make you laugh and they might make you think ~ They should, at least,  make you think about laughing ...or laugh at what the cows are thinking.  ~


No Thanks, PETA


First, a joke:   
A man in sandals and a long robe walked into a bar and saw sitting there a Viet Nam Vet who had obviously had too much to drink and was leaning on his cane to keep himself from falling off his stool. The sandal wearer walked over to the man, held his hand above the Vet’s head and proclaimed him healed. The Veteran stood up, straight and sober, and walked out of the bar, leaving behind his well-worn cane.

The man in sandals continued to walk further down the bar and came upon a retired miner who was obviously trying to mask the pain of his badly bent back with straight shots of Jim Beam. The sandal wearer walked up to the man, placed his hand on the miner’s head and declared the man healed. The man sat up straight, stood up without any effort, completely sober, the pain no longer evident in his face. He remained in the bar, enjoyed the visit with his friends, but no longer had to drink whiskey to endure the day.

The man in sandals proceeded to pass further into the bar and stopped in front of a well dressed gentleman who was drinking Crown Royal, snacking on the salty bar snacks,  and generously tipping the waitress for each drink.

As the sandal wearer approached, the gentleman stood up and said “Hold on, don’t touch me  - I’m on worker’s comp.”

Funny story - But,  why am I telling you this joke when this editorial is supposed to be "from the cows' point of view"?

Here's the cows' version:

   A PETA Representative walked into the ranch corral and proclaimed the herd free from the constraints of the rancher's fields.  The PETA Representative spoke softly to the herd and said "Go and be free, you are no longer at the mercy of this merderous rancher. You no longer will be owned by him and you are free to live as Nature intended."  And he opened the gates.

   The wise cows, looking at the open gates, chose to stay where they were, because being free from their rancher meant that they would no longer be vaccinated against diseases that would cause them to abort their calves. 

   Freedom meant that they would not be fed that beautiful green hay that had been preserved by that rancher - processed so that it was as palatable when it was fed as it was when it was fresh. They would, instead, have to search for edible grass where there was none. Their calves would suffer and die due to decreased milk production and the predators would take advantage of their weak condition and helplessness.  They would no longer have help when they experienced difficulty during the birthing process. They would not be allowed to graze the summer away in beautiful mountain meadows because without the cows, the rancher would have no need for the land and would, instead, subdivide it so he could feed his family and pay for his home. Those green summer pastures would be locked up. 

   The cows, knowing that Nature isn’t the same as it used to be, looked at the PETA representative and said: “Don’t touch us, we’ve already been saved".

"If we don't see you in the future, we'll see you in the pasture."

There's No One Else To Blame:

All parodies, lyrics and original music were written and recorded by Judy L Williams

All lead vocals* and harmonies were performed and recorded by Judy, as was all the music. 

The promotional material, packaging and CDs were designed, created, duplicated

and printed by Little Prints Charming, owned and operated by Judy L Williams.

(*An exception to this is in the song "The Neighbor's Bovines" on which the male bovine part

was performed by Rick Ellison.  Rick accepts none of the blame.)

NEXT: MoosLetter #2 Goin' Green